Comments on: After a loss, how long before we get a new cat?

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 19:48:16 +0000

Thank you for this thoughtful post. We recently lost our cat and I was struggling with feelings of guilt for wanting to adopt a new one although I am still mourning the lost of our sweet, old friend. This really helped me put things in perspective. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

By: Pamela

Pamela — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 11:54:34 +0000

Here's a helpful post: Processing the New Cat, which will lead to others.

By: Claudia Miles

Claudia Miles — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 02:37:05 +0000

I want to say this post is just remarkable. The author understands both cats & people in a remarkable way.. The idea of “slots” really resonated & helped me understand the simultaneous heartache I feel & the desire for a new kitten. Losing my beloved Gavin so young, age 5, hurt more than I ever imagined. I did love him with all my heart & miss him so much. I’m wearing his collar as a bracelet which is somehow comforting.

By: Claudia Miles

Claudia Miles — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 02:31:07 +0000

My cat Ramona is 3 1/2. She lost Gavin who she’s cuddled with every night for three years. Two weeks before Gavin died, my friend Lisa moved in with her cat Joey, 8. That introduction was going slow, though & he sleeps with Lisa in her room. Gavin had connected with Joey, a sweet sensitive cat, before he died. I decided I had to have a kitten to fill the loss of Gavin- I’ve had two cats on my bed & who were mine though I got Ramona so Gavin was not alone. Now, a 6 mo old sweet male neutered kitten is in the guest room, Ramona’s with me in my room but has the run of the house & Joey is in Lisa’s room (& I want all three cats to have the run of the house.) Ramona is quite terrified but has stopped hissing at Joey tho she emitted a low growl. She lost Gavin & she adored him. She hasn’t seen the kitten. She goes outside in the backyard during the day, Joey’s indoors & kitten will be indoors. How should I proceed to introduce them? I will keep the kitten separated for a few days. I hoped to have him sleeping w/me and Ramona.

By: Claudia Miles

Claudia Miles — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 02:17:37 +0000

What an insightful, powerful article. I love the idea of “slots”. It makes so much sense to think about one’s loss like this–as well as one’s desire to get another like this. I lost my beloved kitty Gavin this year the day before Thanksgiving. He was only 5 1/2 & had so much more life in him. Someone speeding on my quiet residential street hit him. Tim Arthur & his wife, total strangers who lives down the block, saw it happen. Tim went to Gavin to see if he was alive- and when he was not, Tim wrapped him in towels & phoned me. He & his wife hugged me & Tim carried Gavin’s body to my car. He called me soon after to see how I was. We buried Gavin in my garden. He was the most loving, empathic animal I’ve ever known & I am heartbroken. I did love him with all my heart & he was loved by many. Thank you for this wonderful article — you seem to know cats & people very well.

By: Claudia Miles

Claudia Miles — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 02:01:35 +0000

What an insightful, powerful post. The author understands both cats & people. I really love this idea of “slots.” And I love the nonjudgmental tone of the article. I found it comforting after the loss of my beloved Gavin.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:15:10 +0000

Wow. I hadn’t even seen this post when I commented on your Mourning A Cat Who Is Gone post. This really says it all, and I can’t thank you enough for your words of wisdom.

By: ashley

ashley — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 01:05:11 +0000

thank you so much for this article. my cat, queenie, had to be put down on july 21st. today is september 30th and my dad’s cat had a litter of kittens and two need homes and i just couldn’t pass them up. i miss queenie so much; she was the first cat i ever took care of by myself and she was almost like a cat version of me, as weird as that sounds, but really, i loved her like she was my daughter. i still cry whenever i think of her and wish she was here with me but i have visions of her in my dreams and ever since i thought about getting these two kittens she has been coming in my dreams and the dreams are loving and nice – it’s like she’s telling me it’s okay to get these two cats even though i feel ridiculously guilty about wanting more, and i just looked at your article and it all made sense. thank you SO much for writing and to everybody’s responses – all of your personal stories are so helpful and make me feel normal and have helped me realize that i will always love queenie as my beautiful perfect girl and i can still love other cats and it will be different and they will never fill the slot that she did – they will each have their own. so thank you so much, i am crying now but i don’t feel so awful anymore, i just miss queenie and hope i can provide these two new kittens with a loving home that queenie would be proud of. again, thank you so much to the article author and everybody who commented.

By: Tracey

Tracey — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 17:12:30 +0000

We lost our beautiful boy ‘Ozzy’ on Friday morning. I’m re-living the tragic circumstances – finding him under the shed…. He was only 8 months old…
In the beginning, I was very protective of him and decided not to let him out, but as time passed, he yearned for the ‘The great outdoors’ I can hear people saying ‘you should’nt have let him out’ and ‘an indoor cat is a safe cat’..well, I agree and disagree – you will give your cat what he needs, wants and with the element of ‘guilt’ by keeping them ‘locked up’ Each of us are pushed to make the decision that feels right at the time…By the way, this is me ‘Beating myself up’ so I don’t need those type of comments. Both my husband and I are devasted. We blame ourselves for giving him more independance. He was so special and the bond we had with him was immense. I completely understand all the previous messages on any and every other website I have come across..what you go through is unexplainable to anyone else who is not a cat lover..You find yourself yearning to chat and discuss events over and over and talk about your cat, grieve, cry, deny and all the other emotions (believe me, Iv’e cryed endlessly) This is part of the process – the only thing that gives me comfort, is knowing there ARE others out there who have experienced what we’re going through now…..Only 3 days after, I have contacted the breeder just ‘out of the blue’ to ask if she had another litter to let me know. I was compelled to do this, it seemed right, it feels right, and the message I read here has put those things into perspective for me..was it wrong? was it too soon? Did I need something to replace my loss..YES, YES & YES..BUT…straight away, she contacted me to tell me she has another litter at 4 weeks old!! same colours/type as my Ozzy…..I knew….felt…something inside me said ‘give her a txt, there’s another litter……something….I can’t explain…No other cat will ever replace my ‘Ozzy’ but I have some more slots, more love, more spaces for 2 more cats whom I’m sure will not be like Oz – Id’e be kidding myself…This feels right and I cannot explain ‘what’ or who has compelled me to do this….I have my ‘power animal’ guide by my side (So I’m told) this guide is trying to communicate with me it has taken me through a series of events. There will always be a special place in my heart for Ozzy and I will talk about how he made me feel, I will miss him & I will love hime forever xxxxRIP OZZYxxxx my little ‘Buddy’ Love you forever, Mum & Dad xxxxx

By: Jazz

Jazz — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 08:27:47 +0000

I just lost my beautiful Allycat last weekend, we had only rescued her 6 months ago and she was hardly a year old. Lately I’ve been feeling really guilty for wanting another cat and taking peeks over a petfinder. I’ve also been worried that something is wrong with me, because I’ve been more devastated about losing Ally than I was about losing my Gran. I’ve just been so lost without her, I can’t even sleep in my own bed because she’s not there. It feels like there is a giant hole in my chest that just sucks in everything that isn’t complete and utter devastation. Sorry to unload like this on here, but anytime I try to talk about it to anyone my throat closes up and I can’t force any words out. Thank you for reading or responding. I just don’t know what to do.