Thank you for your original response and for this post. Since I wrote, I’ve made a point of trying to get down on their level more often, and also I’ve started enforcing The Couch (in the room where my husband and I spend most of our time together) as a place where they don’t get to fight with each other, and that helps, too. The couch is a love place, and that’s all it’s for. I’ve started trying to enforce that by showing zero tolerance for fight-picking, and there are now far fewer Events.

I include them all in play, instead of focusing on any one cat, and while the eldest still doesn’t like the company, the next oldest (also old) is now brave enough to play with the rambunctious young one also present. She’s still fearful, but it’s helped.

I’ve also explained to the shy one (whose problems seem to be related to the idea that she can only have affection from me if I am in that ONE place) that she CAN come into my room and get on my bed if she feels like she needs to do that, whether I am there or not, whether the other cats are there or not, and she’s started to figure that out. We had lots of people over tonight for a meeting, and she took advantage of this voluntarily for the first time, then came in later and just sat with me and my friend (who she likes very much). Progress. It’s possible to bring even an old cat out of her shell.

I’ve also been making an effort to greet the cats every time I come into the room or they come into mine, which I think contributes to a feeling of accessibility on my part. If I’m reminding them that I love them as I pass by, it seems like they don’t have to come up and actually ask me if I still do, you know?

Progress is slow, but it happens.