They still fight for my attention and squabble over who gets the coveted Seat Nearest Mom’s Tummy, so if you have any tips on making them, you know, stop doing that, I would be most appreciative. They keep kicking one another off my lap or the couch and the cycle starts all over.
Those still bringing cats from their shells might think “such a problem!”; cats who want our love so much they can’t get enough.
But not getting enough means a lack of satisfaction.
This is the Scarcity Dynamic: each cat perceives love as a limited resource. Two were not getting enough; one feels she is now getting less. While we are always grateful that our lap is NOT big enough for all three cats, we could make more of ourself accessible at certain times, such as using a Love Fest.
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We clear our mental decks and put on relaxing music. Then we get down on the floor and our only task is to Love Cats.
We roll around on the floor and reach for every cat who comes by. They can pick a body part to rub up against, and we grab and hug every cat in range. Everybody gets a whispered endearment; everybody gets extra love if they share it with another. It’s really great to squash them together if we can.
No one gets preference during a Love Fest; and they must cooperate to participate; it is all Opt In. Convey abundance until they can’t stand it any more.
We should also try to relax and mentally “be there” with them; part of the Love Fest’s power is its totality. Don’t they always know when your attention is not focused on them, even if you are petting them?
When the itch is only partially scratched; it still itches. When they get partial attention, they feel it.
When we make a Love Fest part of our daily routine, we make love the infinite resource it really is. And the cats will start to see it that way.
When their tummies are full of Love, and the other cats are part of it, they will stop seeing the other cats as competitors, and see them as another Love resource.
It is more difficult for cats to see the other cats in a negative light; when we all have such a good time at the Love Fest.
Any enjoyment the human gets out of it is a lovely bonus gift.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
That is such a good idea to get down on the floor with all of them. And it does the human some good too. Great post and love the picture.
Margaret Elmendorf´s last blog ..Do you think cats and children are good together??
That was me!
Thank you for your original response and for this post. Since I wrote, I’ve made a point of trying to get down on their level more often, and also I’ve started enforcing The Couch (in the room where my husband and I spend most of our time together) as a place where they don’t get to fight with each other, and that helps, too. The couch is a love place, and that’s all it’s for. I’ve started trying to enforce that by showing zero tolerance for fight-picking, and there are now far fewer Events.
I include them all in play, instead of focusing on any one cat, and while the eldest still doesn’t like the company, the next oldest (also old) is now brave enough to play with the rambunctious young one also present. She’s still fearful, but it’s helped.
I’ve also explained to the shy one (whose problems seem to be related to the idea that she can only have affection from me if I am in that ONE place) that she CAN come into my room and get on my bed if she feels like she needs to do that, whether I am there or not, whether the other cats are there or not, and she’s started to figure that out. We had lots of people over tonight for a meeting, and she took advantage of this voluntarily for the first time, then came in later and just sat with me and my friend (who she likes very much). Progress. It’s possible to bring even an old cat out of her shell.
I’ve also been making an effort to greet the cats every time I come into the room or they come into mine, which I think contributes to a feeling of accessibility on my part. If I’m reminding them that I love them as I pass by, it seems like they don’t have to come up and actually ask me if I still do, you know?
Progress is slow, but it happens.